easy is overrated

New blog!

Wed, 01 May 2013 22:15:52 -0400

I’ve recently created a second blog: Halfway Health is Overrated! Feel free to check it out if you’re interested! http://halfwayhealthisoverrated.tumblr.com/

Self-control, woo hoo, I know, right? It’s awesome. And also, hobbits.

Wed, 30 Jan 2013 16:32:28 -0500

The funny thing about this post is that I was watching the Lord of the Rings (the first one), when the idea for it sparked. My friends know that knowledge concerning science fiction/fantasy and any movies or books that are categorized under these genres is usually not my forte. However, I am a fan of great literature and awesome movies and any of the themes they may explore. While I’m by no means a LOTR expert and, in fact, have been known to confuse main characters, it did cause me to ponder an important theme present in the novels, the movies, and in real, every day life: self-control is highly underrated.

I know, super earth shattering. I’m sure you’ve only heard this a million times throughout childhood and adolescence. But frankly, I think we’ve heard it so often from authority figures that it has lost some of its raw truth in our minds. In a world that encourages, and frankly, expects us to lose control, succumb to our feelings and either act on or lament about our desires, self-control is not only of great importance, it’s also unexpectedly powerful.

Temptations, selfish desires, they’re innate in us all. Some people I’ve spoken with are of the school of thought that since they are innate, they should be indulged. Others are of the school of thought that one should fight against the temptations and desires that are considered immoral and that cause pain and suffering to self and others. Regardless of the school of thought you relate to (I am of the latter category), self-control can be an effective tool. Let me put it this way: how often has your lack of self-control invited others to successfully capitalize on the situation by manipulating you? For example, have you ever lost your cool in an argument and gone off at someone, only to have your adversary come out the other side looking like the victor? Regardless of whether their point is more truthful, they have kept their cool, maintained self-control, and others are more likely to both listen to and believe them over the raging lunatic (you) who can’t even compose him or herself. It may not be fair, but that doesn’t make it less true.

In my view, self-control and self-discipline are vital components in living a life of wisdom. While none of us exhibit these qualities 100% of the time, and while it may be hard-won and we may have to fight to maintain it tooth and nail, it can bring us great peace. We are encouraged to think before we act, before we speak, and these skills grow wisdom in us. We spend more time listening. We spend less time thinking about ourselves. We learn about and from others.

What about when we succumb to selfish ambitions and desires? I want, I need, everyone else has more, me, me, me, greed, greed, greed, pout, pout, pout. We’ve all done it. Self-discipline is so vital. While we are sitting around complaining and indulging, for example, the desire to obtain everything with ease, someone else is putting in the effort, taking opportunities where we eschewed them, and actually achieving the goals that we only wish we could achieve. Most of us will later claim that we were dealt a worse hand than the person next to us.

Is this freedom?

I know that self-control isn’t a popular concept and it’s certainly not one that sparks images of fun and awesomeness, but, like I said, I think it’s highly underrated. Maybe the best thing about self-control is that it means you are a slave to no man, no thought, no material object, no useless desire. The ability to exhibit control over our natural impulsive behavior, our thoughts, our desires—that is a powerful tool. As believers, when we start to master self-control and rein these mountains in, we can start replacing them with the actions, thoughts, and desires that God would have us focus on. People may accept that it’s natural to be self-centered and impulsive, quick to emote and quick to act on our wants, but is that really any way to live? It’s not how I want to live—my heart and mind and everything out the window in a split second because I am a slave to my own definition of “freedom” and then the consequences come crashing down and I scratch my head and wonder how it happened. Poor me.

We are always seeking freedom, but honestly, most of the people reading this blog are already free in a literal sense. What is it we are looking for? What is our personal definition of freedom? Freedom in a Biblical sense means knowing Jesus and being free to live the way God would have us live. But freedom to many of us means acting however we want and avoiding consequences completely. This is not something that exists in reality. But when we master self-control, we begin to see that we are not bound or burdened by any one person or any possession or any desire. Then, we can be truly free to live a greater life—a meaningful life—one that is a blessing not only to ourselves, but to others as well.

We may not be coveting a golden ring with magical powers to tempt and betray us, but we are living in a world where everything around us is pulling on us. We are being stretched in a million different directions, pushed along the current of life whether we notice and accept it or not. Do we want to be pulled, to be pushed, to be told how to be, to have the bar set low for us, or do we want to learn to master our own hearts, our own thoughts and emotions, to take a step in the direction of being who we were truly created to be; open people with teachable hearts, but who are also aware of the world around them, eyes fixed on the ultimate goal, shaken awake from our sleepwalking selves, awake and looking toward the God who loves us, to the life he has set out for us? How can we approach that life and His goals when we are slaves to another master, even when that master is self?

Plus, who doesn’t want to be/date someone like Aragorn? (Certainly not what’s-her-name who pines over him for the last 2 movies. Seriously, dude, move on, he loves Liv Tyler.)

Awkward:

{from friendzoned.tumblr}

Forgiving people who haven't earned it and other related tasks that are seemingly impossible.

Sun, 20 Jan 2013 19:06:00 -0500

Preface: This is a very long post, it was tough to write, and I still don’t think it’s sufficient, because this is a hard topic. When I’m writing on difficult subjects—when I’m talking about things that are hard for nearly everyone who ever lived—I like to just tell it like it is (at least in my opinion). And to me, this is how it is: forgiving is rough stuff.

When I think about this subject, an Anne Lamott quote often comes to mind. She says, “Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past.” When I first heard this, my gut reaction was to fight this statement. In my head I said something along the lines of, “it’s perfectly justifiable to wish that past hurts had been different or somehow better.” However, I realized that this response largely misses Lamott’s real point. Ultimately, refusing to let the bad thing or past hurt go through forgiveness usually means holding onto resentment about the way things happened versus the way they “should” have happened. How long can we go on hoping for something that is long gone, that can never change? When we acknowledge that it happened how it did, that it can never happen any other way, and then somehow let that old hope go, maybe that’s a sign of forgiveness. But of course, this is forgiveness on an objective level. On a subjective level, forgiveness is much more complex.

First, let me quickly say one thing that forgiveness doesn’t necessarily have to entail. There seems to be this idea that forgiveness means canceling a person’s debt toward you and then high-fiving them and going to grab a pizza together. I’ve forgiven at least one person in my life that I don’t particularly care to know or trust any longer. It’s not because I’m still angry with that person or bitter toward them at all. I just know what I can handle and what I can’t. I just know that while I can forgive that person, our time to be in each other’s lives is done. I think that’s okay. I can forgive that person, I can wish them well, but I think that when relationships are toxic, sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself or for the other person is to speak the truth to them in love, forgive them, and let them go. This realization is so freeing to me.

At a certain point in life, it becomes pretty apparent that we can’t change the past and we usually can’t change other people, either. We also know that it’s necessary to forgive others in order to heal properly, to move on, and to keep the past, or sometimes even our present circumstances, from consuming us. We can easily see that the energy we put into refusing forgiveness is much more taxing on us than it is on the person we’re trying to hurt or punish or deny. But we keep on stubbornly resisting forgiveness. What stands in the way of our ability to forgive?

I feel like it’s important to make the distinction that when it comes to the world we live in, forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean an absence of consequences. When a wrong is committed, there are often consequences that even forgiveness doesn’t necessarily negate. Many times, when in the “preparing my heart to forgive” stage, I find it difficult to get over this hurdle: letting this go, whatever the “this” is, feels like letting the person who wronged me off the hook. It feels like the antithesis of justice. It feels “wrong.” So why, then, is it right?

Andy Stanley has a superb and true response that summarizes the answer I ultimately arrive at: “In the shadow of my hurt, forgiveness feels like a decision to reward my enemy. But in the shadow of the cross, forgiveness is merely a gift from one undeserving soul to another.” I’m right to believe it’s not fair, because it isn’t fair, it’s grace. Forgiving isn’t the same as rewarding a wrong action. (I actually think this is a manipulation of our thoughts that keeps us from forgiving.) In actuality, when we forgive someone and that forgiveness is accepted, acknowledged, or otherwise not vehemently refused, it can actually serve as an acknowledgement by both parties that a wrong has been committed. After all, why would someone need forgiveness for something they didn’t do? When you give someone something, they’re not walking over you; you are freely choosing to bestow the gift upon them. No one can force you to forgive and it often takes a great deal of strength and willing sacrifice and grace on the forgiver’s part to do it. Forgiveness, then, never means being a doormat, excusing the action or validating it.

Sometimes in situations where people are in need of forgiveness, and when we offer it to them, they don’t quite understand how or why. When it’s possible, I think it’s a good idea to explain why. I used to be afraid to do this, because the explanation is Jesus and I never want to offend anyone. But in truth, explaining that I can forgive because of who God is, in reality is just honesty. I think that it is possible, but difficult, to be offended by someone’s honest explanation of their ability to forgive, because here’s the truth as C.S. Lewis put it: “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.” This is a powerful concept. We forgive, we forgive, and not because of our own strength, and not because the other person deserves it. We forgive because we were forgiven and we didn’t deserve it. How else can we respond to the fact that Jesus gave up his own life? When someone dies for you so that you can know forgiveness even at a time when you least deserved it, is it possible to ethically respond to even our worst enemies any other way? Even knowing this, though, doesn’t dispense with the difficulty inherent in forgiveness.

Let me clarify this: justice is important and should be pursued. However, there may be times when we will be wronged when the justice we deserve isn’t always possible in the present. These situations I give to the Lord when I give my trust over to Him daily. I know based on His word that the Lord loves justice and I know He is good and I know He is infinitely wiser than me. So in this regard, I practice giving up my desire for control, to hang onto bitterness, to hang onto denial, and the desire I have for my own idea of justice to be accomplished, every. single. day. This is because I know what it is to forgive someone who doesn’t deserve forgiveness, who hasn’t even asked for it, and who I have to remind myself I’ve already forgiven every. single. day. And now that you know that I’m not just talking, that I’ve forgiven the unforgiveable, only because of Jesus and not as a result of my own flawed desires, and that it’s a work in progress, let me be real.

It hurts, it hurts, and sometimes you can’t breathe. Sometimes, especially when you’re first working through the difficult things and preparing your heart to forgive, you want to throw things at the wall or slam doors or cry uncontrollably. I’m here to tell you that not only is that okay, but you should let yourself feel the feelings. If you know me, you know that I’m a big fan of being in control of your emotions and recognizing that how we feel often isn’t the most important thing. But while I still believe this to be true, it’s also true that God gave us the ability to feel. While using our feelings as weapons is a terrible idea, just crying when you want to cry and screaming into a pillow when you want to scream is sometimes cathartic.

A counselor I went to once told me that crying is a natural response that our body has to intense feelings or situations and that crying it out instead of stopping ourselves is not only good for us physically, but mentally as well. I always hate to cry and sometimes feel like I don’t even know why I’m doing it, but inevitably I’m a crier. I’ve finally made peace with that because, let’s be honest, sometimes the situation truly merits it and giving ourselves grace throughout this forgiveness process is of great importance.

Why does it hurt? Why is it exhausting? Why, if it’s the thing we’re supposed to do and the thing that will help us heal, why is it so hard? According to Tim Keller, “God’s grace and forgiveness, while free to the recipient, are always costly for the giver…. From the earliest parts of the Bible, it was understood that God could not forgive without sacrifice. No one who is seriously wronged can “just forgive” the perpetrator…. But when you forgive, that means you absorb the loss and the debt. You bear it yourself. All forgiveness, then, is costly.” When we willingly absorb a debt that another person owes us, it’s truly remarkable and it has the power to teach us so much about the heart of God, it’s unreal. We can explain to them what was done wrong, we can express that we are offering forgiveness, and we can explain why. But it is so, so, so, so, hard! How can we bring ourselves to do this nearly impossible thing? We can because, well, He did.

I will say this: for the really deep wounds, it doesn’t happen overnight. For me, it happened slowly, with difficulty, and it’s still a process. From what I’ve learned, once you start wading through the mess of trying to forgive, it sort of eases up with time and stops being the only thing you ever think about. For me, it pops up usually once a day or once every few days, this feeling of “I’m hurt,” “I’m angry.” But then I remind myself that I’ve already done the forgiving; the hard part is already finished, the debt has been cancelled, and now I need to take a deep breath and another forward step. It can be, but it’s not always an epiphany. For me, it’s always been more about trudging through the difficult days and over time realizing that the hard work has been paying off.

If you’re holding back forgiveness, that’s one sign that you’re human, but please try to start the process of working through it—even and especially if the person you need to forgive is yourself—because forgiveness feels like freedom. Sometimes part of that process is just about letting a little time pass, and about growing and learning and realizing what forgiveness means and why it’s so important in a way that’s slow and admittedly difficult. Sometimes it feels just one step shy of impossible. But it’s still one step shy. And even if there were nothing else in this world for which to be grateful, for this I am grateful and for this, I will sing the praises of the God who knows us, loves us, and forgives us again and again and again.

Photo

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 08:45:00 -0500

I’m engaged to my best friend and boyfriend of over 6...

Sun, 23 Dec 2012 19:39:00 -0500

I’m engaged to my best friend and boyfriend of over 6 years and now I call him fiancé. He’s the best person I know and I love him like crazy. God has been so good to us and without Him, there would be no “us.” I am so grateful that I just keep crying randomly from joy and for all of the love we have been shown by our friends and family. There is so much to be grateful for.

This song makes me just weep each time I hear it.

Sun, 16 Dec 2012 21:39:44 -0500

This song makes me just weep each time I hear it.

Our take on “A Very She & Him Christmas.” Merry...

Thu, 13 Dec 2012 09:56:00 -0500

Our take on “A Very She & Him Christmas.”

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

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Sat, 17 Nov 2012 21:23:38 -0500

One of the funniest things ever.

Thu, 20 Sep 2012 15:14:33 -0400

One of the funniest things ever.

"God loved you no matter how crazy you felt on the inside, no matter what a fake you were; always,..."

Thu, 06 Sep 2012 13:07:16 -0400

“God loved you no matter how crazy you felt on the inside, no matter what a fake you were; always, even in your current condition, even before coffee.”

- A. Lamott

Another excerpt of some of my thoughts lately. More actual blog...

Sat, 04 Aug 2012 22:08:16 -0400

Another excerpt of some of my thoughts lately. More actual blog posts to come soon.

"This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet..."

Sat, 04 Aug 2012 18:57:14 -0400

““This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted. ””

- C.S. Lewis

One of my favorite songs, ever.

Tue, 31 Jul 2012 14:34:58 -0400

One of my favorite songs, ever.

This video’s kind of rough, but I like it.

Tue, 31 Jul 2012 14:23:50 -0400

This video’s kind of rough, but I like it.

Need a Rory and Jess moment? Me too. They’re so adorable.

Tue, 17 Jul 2012 19:10:49 -0400

Need a Rory and Jess moment? Me too. They’re so adorable.

So that explains it…

Mon, 16 Jul 2012 13:21:33 -0400

So that explains it…

An open apology

Thu, 28 Jun 2012 21:19:00 -0400

I just wanted to take a moment, because my heart is just feeling kind of heavy when I look at the world, and say I’m sorry. I’m sorry if you are someone who has ever been treated poorly by a church or by a Christian or by a Christian group or by people claiming to know God.

I’m sorry if, whether because of us or not, you’ve ever been told that you’re not loved. I’m sorry if you’ve been told that God hates you or doesn’t want to know you. I’m sorry if you’ve been labeled, judged mercilessly, slandered, or mocked.

When people say things like this, they are lies. And you should know it and someone should say it. These are lies. Not only does God not hate you and not only does he want to know you, he loves you more than anyone else on the face of the earth. He loves you so much that he would die for you, and did. I’m not sorry for telling you that, but for every time our actions have not reflected that, I’m sorry.

If you’ve been physically, verbally or emotionally harmed, bullied or isolated, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if you’ve ever been treated as less than, been the butt of cruel jokes, been cast aside. I’m sorry if you’ve ached without us aching with you. I’m sorry if you have gone without help in your darkest hour, if you’ve needed a hand and no one was there to lend it. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry if we have ever laughed while at the same time you were crying, if you’ve been in pain and no one comforted you, if you have ever sat alone at a lunch table. We should have been there. I’m sorry if you’ve been called worthless, been told you’re “not enough,” been given the cold shoulder. I’m sorry if “the cool kids” didn’t accept you. I’m sorry if, because of the brokenness of this world, you’ve reached the end of your rope. If you are at the end of your rope, please, please, please, do not let go. Do not let go. However alone you may feel, however fed up you may feel, that doesn’t negate the truth that you are not alone. And if it’s taken this long for someone to tell you that, I’m sorry. If it takes even longer for someone to physically put an arm around you, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry if you’ve gone hungry. I’m sorry if you are without shelter or hugs or family or friends. You don’t deserve it. I’m sorry if you are or have ever been lonely, needed help, needed prayer, needed guidance, needed love. It is our job to love you—not so we can push you into something, but because we just do—we ache to love you in a way that means something to you, just because we get it.

I get it. I get being alone. I get crying while others are laughing. I have been given the cold shoulder; I’ve been told I’m not enough. I get it because we live in a broken world and we are all in this together. So I’m sorry if we have not been sitting with you at the lunch table, cheering you on at your soccer game, or ballet recital, or art show. I’m sorry for the mocking faces and for every tear you’ve shed and for every night you went to sleep feeling anything but loved and beautiful and worthwhile. I want you to know, to rest assured, that I am thinking of you. That it matters, your suffering, it matters to me. I am praying for you, I am crying over you, I have so much love for you. More than that, all of this matters to God, who cares about everything that matters to you—big or small—it matters to him. Because if anyone knows what it is to feel these things, he does. He does. And whether you believe that or not, believe this: you are important, you are beautiful, you are worthwhile and you have a purpose.

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Mon, 25 Jun 2012 12:34:42 -0400

-Elisabeth Elliot

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 09:43:12 -0400

-Elisabeth Elliot

lebellecoeur: i love the sea.

Fri, 22 Jun 2012 08:36:26 -0400

lebellecoeur:

i love the sea.